if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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