I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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