Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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