i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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