peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
