pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
