pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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