Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
