singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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