Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As shirtless as possible
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
