I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
