need another drink. this is the easiest way
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
