I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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