she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
