3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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