I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
