Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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