so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
