I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
