Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
