Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
