I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
