"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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