Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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