I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's like God shit irony all over that family
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
