Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
