I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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