i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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