so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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