Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
