we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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