i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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