i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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