farters have to be the big spoon...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
