If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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