i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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