This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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