Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
