Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
