she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize