so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
