so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
