We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
