When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
