So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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