I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
