I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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