he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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