This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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