Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
