No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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