that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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