a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
