i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
