God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
