I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
