woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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