I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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