The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
