can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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