So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
