Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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