My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
