The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
